We don't have a topic entitled “Hunting & Fishing” and several of the regulars (had they not abandoned this wonderful forum) are of the opinion that all hunters and fishers are red neck bubbas who get their jollies shooting Bambi and his friends, so I'll just post my thinking under Hot Topic and Debate.

This year, deer hunters are getting a bonus.  Because the deer are so overpopulated, they are in danger of starving, or being eaten by coyotes or Volkswagons, the conservation department is allowing hunters to harvest a buck and a doe each day for the entire hunting season.  The hunting season is three months long.  If a hunter were able to spend the entire 90 days in the woods and bagged his/her limit every day, one hunter could take 90 sex crazed bucks and 90 yearning does out of the market.  Multiply 180 deer times the number of hunting licences issued and you have, let's see, uh, Oh heck, it don't matter because they had similer rules last season and the deer population grew by 18%.  Also, this year, Alabama hunters can use cross bows.  Alabama was one of the 60% of states that consider crossbows the same as guns and banned their use during the bow season.

In some states, where the population of hunters outnumbers the population of deer, a hunter may be issued a permit to kill two deer the entire season and the season is only 45 days long.  For example, they say that in Pennsylvania, where the season opens on November 15, the deer population is a half million and the number of hunters in the woods on opening day is over one million.  Any self respecting deer up there will be wearing an orange cap that day.

Does anyone here want to get into a debate on this subject?  Or would you like my recipe for Deer Jerky or Southern Fried Tenderloin?  Better yet, maybe you'd like me to tell you how to cure a deer hide and make your own snake resistant pants covers, or you may even want to read my “144 Useful Items You Can Make From Deer Antlers and Hoofs” second edition circa 2001.  Other important works by the Author include “Road Kill Armandillo - Boil Or Grill?” and “Why Kill It If You Don't Eat It?” with quotes from Jeffry Domer.

Oh happy day!  I was so afraid I would get no response from you.  It crossed my mind that you had abandoned your tree hugging mentality and decided it was okay to ride about Daphne and Fairhope with a big buck deer draped over the hood of one's pickup and spit skoal juice at anybody who didn't like it.  I should have known better.

What did you and your Greenpeace friends have for lunch? Liver and onions?  Oh my!  Not to worry.  I'm sure they used a painless anisthetic to put the sweet cow to sleep then very humanely sugically removed the liver, making sure to leave enough that the bovine would never miss the piece you ate.

Your horse loving friend from Loxley reminds me of a story I read in the newspaper a couple of years ago.  Out in Texas a rancher went to his stable early one morning to feed his mare and found his neighbor standing on a milking stool behind his mare happily trying to create a half human half horse.  The neighbor was so embarrassed at being discovered that he pulled a hand gun and shot the horse owner.  New meaning was given to the name “horse lover.”  I know that has nothing to do with this arguement, but it was such a cute story to tell.

Sorry to report that the smell of human urine won't repel deer.  Deer invade my peas every year and eat the young plants down to the roots.  I always plant exactly twice as many seeds as I need to grow up because fully half the plants fall prey to deer.  I've tried all the home remedies to keep them out.  Bright aluminum pie plates swinging in the breeze doesn't work.  Irish Spring soap, smeared liberally on the fence posts, seemed to keep them out about 48 hours.  Human urine didn't even slow them down (I suppose they have become accustomed to living near humans).  Motion sensored spotlights helped for three nights.  There is one technique your friend's son might try.  On the morning that deer season opens, he could ride his four wheeler over to Bubba's patch of woods and do doughnuts from just before daylight until about 9 AM and repeat the process from 5 to 8 PM.  That'll scare the deer away.  Be sure he wears an orange cap and orange vest so that Bubba won't mistake the fourwheeler for a buck with a hoarse throat. 

Speaking of spin, we don't say words like “kill, slaughter, murder, shoot, and knock-down” any more.  Today's politically correct climate has caused us to refer to the “process” as “harvest, take and reduce the population.”  We got the idea from abortionist Doctors who use words like, “remove, dispose of and terminate the pregnancy.”  When they go in with a vacuum and suck the brains out of a 7 month old baby so the head will collapse and allow them to use a stainless steel steak turner to grab the baby and drag its lifeless body from the womb, they refer to that vacuum as a “cranial reduction device” and the forcepts as a “waste removal system.”

Okay.  Your turn.  (Forgive me Lord, but I just can't resist an arguement when I know I'm gonna get smeared because I'm going up against a much smarter person who also happens to have more points that an angry porcupine. Is it really a sin to be a glutton for punishment?)

Frolix said, “Uh-huh.  Sometimes doesn't it seem like we're an old married couple? I try to push your buttons, you're sarcastic to me in public, me knowing I'm always right and you're always wrong, you never getting any sex from me...I swear, we may as well be married.”

You and Pidder have more in common than I realized.

Frolix said, “me and my Greenpeace friends ate tofu-burgers...”

No dang wonder you stay so thin.  You must have to jump around in the shower just to get wet.

Frolix said, “I think he and his son are looking forward to that, kind of a male-bonding thing.“

Somehow, I can't see Bubba and his son sharing a mason jar and thinking that somehow creates a closer relationship.  I can see them gutting a deer together.  Now there's quality time spent together, cave man and cave boy doing what our great forefathers did with erectisoruses.