What a funny form.  Thanks for sharing.  I can't believe I took the time to read the entire form and laughed all the way.  The person who authored it is somebody with WAY too much time on his/her hands.

Here's one that, to me, is just as amazing - only this one is real.  When I was working for the furniture store in Mobile, they were having a devil of a time getting help hired for the cashier positions.  After some weeks of frustration over the bottle neck counter, I asked someone why they hadn't hired someone, with all the applicants parading in and out.  I was told, seriously, that most of the applicants couldn't pass the exam.  I remembered the exam and found that it was simple beyond belief.  So I inquired what part of the exam was giving them trouble. 

Turns out it's a personal integrity/personality test on paper.  A set of two questions most commonly the cause of the applicant's rejection is:  “(1) Have you ever stolen from your employer? (2) On your last job, what was the approximate value of all the items you took when you left the job?” Believe it or not, the applicants were entering a dollar value in the space provided.  I would say, “At least the applicant was being honest” but then if they stole rather than “took“ they were not being honest.  Catch 22!

The funny thing is, I got to wondering how I should have answered that question.  Did I answer it honestly?  My last job had been as an ice cream merchandiser.  On that job, when we came across a box of ice cream that had a damaged place on the box, we were supposed to remove it from the display and either throw it away or take it home.  I kept my family and half my church supplied in ice cream and it was all perfectly fine.  If I had told them I “took” $421.52 in ice cream home during my employment, I may not have become a salesman for the furniture store.  Lucky for me, I interpreted the word took to mean stole because it followed the first question about stealing from my employer, and I answered it properly and landed the worse job I've ever had.  Lucky me.

Not meaning to sound like some goody goody two shoes, but no, I don't steal even a paper clip cause I'm chicken.  Can you imagine being fired from an executive position (Such as Chief Administrator of Sanitation in Male Relief Facilities) because you took home a roll of toilet paper to save yourself a trip by the store on the way home?  Ouch!  I can see it now; Luna runs a story on the 10 O'Clock news, “A local Manager is relieved of duty today when security cameras caught him leaving the job with a reem of copy paper under his arm.”  (Mug shot of Sudz appears) “We'll tell you all about it when we come back from these important messages, giving you time to put a blank tape in your VCR.”  I used to dream about stuff like that.  But then I used to dream about running into friends on the street and discovering I'm dressed in my Jockey briefs and a t-shirt, and the briefs are soiled.  George on Sienfeld has nothing on me when it comes to paranoia.