For some months now I have noticed that our wonderful host on this forum went to great lengths to install a large variety of places for us to post our messages under the correct catigory.  I'm sure the idea is to enable those members and shadowers who want to, for example, read a discussion on current events in the news can open the threads labeled “In The News” and those wanting a more spirited visit can open the threads under “Hot Topic and Debate.”  I have also noticed that those of us who post seldom adhere to the hint, especially that radical rude Sudz guy.

Way down here at the bottom are a number of catigories that almost never get used.  I mentioned this to Pidder and she warned me not to get into this catigory to talk about how I smoke deer hams.  She doesn't understand a lot of things and tried to tell me this area was to discuss stuff like radios and bands and waves and frequencies.  I told her I've never heard a discussion about smoking hams on the radio, never heard a band play a song about hams and you certainly can't surf while holding a ham, no matter how frequently you try.

Anyway, I decided this is a good spot to start a collection of funny stories about people misunderstanding a word or a phrase and making a fool of themselves as a result.  I'll start and you can join in.  Okay?

A little over 45 years ago, after the birth of my son, my wife was in our little house in Bay Minette, on the bed with a heat lamp under a tent of sheets on the bed.  In those days, that's how women hastened the drying of stitches.  Our landlord's wife dropped in for a polite visit, noticed the technique she was using and said, “You must have had lacerations.” My wife looked blank for a moment and answered, “The doctor cut me too.“

Frolix told of a friend who was describing a horrible auto accident and said, “they were both ejaculated from the car.”

The other day, my granddaughter and her friend Artis were drawing crude faces on pieces of paper and each time they made a few scratches they would show their work to me and I would ooh and aah over them like a good grandfather does.  At one point I told her “Wow, you are going to be an artist,” and she answered “No I not, gwandayday. I'm Caitlin Rose.”

It doesn't take much to entertain me, does it? 

Actually, I posted the opening of this thread with your co-worker in mind.  I was hoping to lure you into sharing a few more of those with us.  I love em.  I used to get such a kick out of Norm Crosby also.  He was so good at this game.  I remember his classic “the audience gave me a standing ovulation.” Also he said “how good was I?  Let me just say they called it an anchor performance.”

Hay, maybe that's the book we should write.  We could call it “1001 Malapropisms”  Better still, we could get right into it by calling it “1001 Malapotomouses”  Of course if others are as ignorant as I, it wouldn't sell because I can never remember what a malapropism is until you come along and remind me now and then.

Another subject I find facinating is the history of English words and expressions.  I wish I knew a source for learning how some words and phrases came about.  I mean some are easy enough.  For example “I want a piece of the pie” We know from simple reasoning that the speaker really means “I want my share of the glory or the money” and pie has nothing to do with it.  But what about “It was a boondoggle”  Where did that come from?  What is a boondoggle?  Now some I have learned the history of and found intrigueing.  For example the act of shaking hands with people we meet.  That came from the Knights of the Round Table who got tired of killing any Knight from another castle they ran across.  Instead of fighting to the death, and when nobody was looking, they began to make an obligatory stab and each other and ride on their merry way.  They always clashed their weapons together as if they were really trying to kill each other.  Over time, that became an even less violent attempt to live up to their duty and finally evolved into the hand shake.  Therefore, when we shake hands with someone, it actually means “You are the enemy, but lets agree not to kill each other today.”  Try explaining that one to the Pastor as you exit the church and he's standing there shaking the hand of everyone as they exit.  lol

With your education, Frolix (your vast reportwat of knowledge - how about that one?) you probably know the meaning behind many English words and expressions.  Let's hear a few.

Here are some good examples of things you might take wrong if you were that alien: