My step-son lives in Semmes, in a trailor with his wife.  His dad rents a room from him in the three bedroom, one bath trailer.  His wife is originally from New Orleans.  When Katrina was arriving, her family (4 large, heavy, healthy, chunky, okay fat adults and 5 children, half of them also fat teenagers) came to his trailer to wait out the storm.  After the storm, when it was learned they can't go home for at least a month and when electricity in Semmes was a hoped for future convenience, we invited the 9 visitors and the 3 residents of the trailer to come to our 3 bedroom 1 bath home, where my wife and I live with her daugher and granddaughter as borders.  Eleven of them accepted the invitation.  My wife's ex decided to stay and tough it out at the trailer.  We loaned him our Coleman Stove so he could cook without electricity.  Eleven extra mouths to feed and large bodies stacked around the floors on air mattresses and sleeping bags was something we had to get used to (Am I good at understating, or what?).  Oh, I guess the banks in New Orleans must have flooded and I guess they forgot to draw out their money before they left town, because nobody offered to help with the expenses.  I take that back.  My step son gave me $100.  After several days and a dozen hints, two of the eleven began to pitch in and wash dishes each evening.  Nobody helped with the cleaning, cooking and other things needed to keep a house with 15 people half-way decent to live in.

It was a learning experience.  I learned that you don't buy ice cream unless you buy two or three gallons at a time.  When you cook peas, cornbread and porkchops, you make two cakes of cornbread and about 25 to 28 pork chops along with three quarts of frozen peas.  One day we decided to make a Thanksgiving feast (Turkey is inexpensive).  Almost the entire turkey was devoured in two meals along with a potato salad that used 5 pounds of potatoes.  Of all the 7 or 8 things served, only some of the dressing was left over.

Another thing.  Have plenty of milk.  Fat folks love milk.  One night I went to bed with almost a full gallon in the fridge.  Next morning there was about 4 ounces left.

Tell me, does FEMA reimburse you when you host a family from New Orleans?

Seriously, I thank God we were able to help that family.  They went back to Semmes after only a week with us, now that the lights are on, but promised to return here in order to give their daughter a break.  Oh happy day!  I calculate the National Guard will let them return to their home during the third week of October.  My wife and I are planning to visit them in December, park our butts on their sofas, eat all we can, decide what stations to watch on TV, make tons of noise from daylight 'till midnight and forget to bring any money with us.  I'll manage to nick my finger so I can submerge my hands in dish water.  lol

Fortunately, they live in Morrerro, on the west bank and their house was not flooded and there was no significant damage to their home.  The reason they can't go back is the lack of power and the rules set forth by the National Guard.  That is, “If you return, you can't leave.”  Also, to get home they would have to go all the way around Lake Ponchatrain and enter the area on a one lane road that is being repaired.  No other way in or out.

Would any of you like to take this family in for a week or so?  If so please complete the application to qualify.  Warning:  You must have at least one computer with internet access and it would be best if you have 7 computers with access, that is if you want a turn on it for yourself.  You must have either cable or direct TV hooked to at least 4 or 5 sets.  You must be willing to allow them to park their three automobiles on you grass, not on pavement.  You must listen attentively and pretend interest in boring tales of deals made and accomplishment over the past 30 years.  You must be patient when the children run through the house swinging plastic swords and ball bats and yelling at each other or trying to lure you into a wrestling match in front of the TV set with all the crystal what nots on it.  You must understand that the door to the bathroom and the front entry door (both of which are next to your bedroom) cannot be simply closed but must be slammed with considerable force.  Finally, you should consider removing all carpeting because half finished chocolate bars will be left right where fat adults will step on them, say “oops” and keep walking toward the refrigerator.